Take a moment.
I hadn’t considered my word for 2013. I wasn’t even planning on having a word. I had other things on my mind. You see, I’ve been busy. Busy juggling. Juggling the Monkey and the holidays, travel to visit family out of state, and Frogs’s extracurricular activities… and so on and so forth. And then a week ago, I had to prepare to go back to work. Technically, I returned from maternity leave at the start of December, but then had several weeks off for the holidays, so a week ago on Friday was my first real day back. I was nervous. In fact, that’s a gross underestimate. I was terrified. MM and I talked and talked, and I had come to the conclusion that I needed to re-evaluate my work-family balance. Working full-time after the arrival of Monkey had become an untenable position.
Much to my own embarrassment, I haven’t known how to handle both. My job involves so much travel and effort that it was exhausting during my pregnancy. Now being away from Monkey for 12 hours is physically and emotionally painful. I’ve been petrified about making it work. How I could make everything fit into place? Sometimes, I think there are times when there just too many pieces for the puzzle of your life, and this was one of those times. So I met with my boss and mentor, and came up with a compromise. I’m starting to work part time, and Monkey gets to stay at home with me, rather than going to daycare. (As a complete aside, what is wrong with this country– why is it so hard to find good quality, affordable infant child care?! Why should I have to be on a waiting list that rivals the heart transplant list to get Monkey into a good place?)
I left that meeting with a huge sense of relief. It was all going to work out. Sure, I was going to have to give up some aspects of my job. We also set a high benchmark to demonstrate that working from home, part time was beneficial for everyone involved. However, I felt confident that this would work for me, Monkey and my job. I was going to get all of those pieces to fit into place!
Then there was the drive home. It’s a bit of a commute, and the entire time, I was mulling things over in my head. Initially I was elated. I was going to get to stay home with Monkey AND work! I could be more involved with my children and further my career. It felt really good. However, as the miles went by, the doubt and anxiety began to creep in. I’ve always worked or been in school. I didn’t take a day off after graduating from college and starting work. I only took 3 days off between leaving work and starting graduate school, and that was to move across country. I only took two weeks completely off when Frog was born. I’ve worked HARD for my career. I’ve earned a terminal degree in a field that I love. It felt so odd to give up even a piece of that world.
The next day, I was driving Frog to his swim practice, and this quote was up on a church billboard as I drove past:
I don’t normally pay much attention to the signage, but for some reason, this quote struck me to the core. Perhaps, I wasn’t ending my career. Maybe this was just a pause, a healthy pause, one that I need very much. Perhaps, if I take this pause, and trust that even though I can’t see how the puzzle is going to turn out, that God has a plan in mind. So I’ve decided that I’m going to take a deep breath and enjoy my time sitting at this comma.
With that resolution in mind, I have created my first printable with my quote of the year. You can download the printable for yourself here.
Sharing this printable here:
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