A few weeks ago I went to the Haven Conference. Haven is amazing. It reminds me of all of the wonderful voices we have in the blogging world. One of the themes that resonated with me over the series of workshops that I took was the idea of being authentic. That’s a delicate balance, no? People come to blogs to see completed crafts, and pretty food, rather than confessions about the mess of life. However, it’s clearly possible to balance both if you look at Jenna, over at Rain on a Tin Roof. She is freaking awesome. She spoke at Haven, and then she posted “Own You!”
Jenna has this blog serial each week that confused me at first. It’s called “Freak Show Friday.” For the longest time, I read it and looked for the link party at the end. I was looking for those pretty pictures with freshly painted furniture and gorgeous pie, and they weren’t there. If you want to know what was there instead, you’ll have to check back on Friday to see what she talks about there.
Since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and I was thinking about what to post at 11pm on Sunday night (hey, I’m trying to be authentic, y’all!), I thought what if I practiced my authenticity with a weekly collection of “real” life and called it Sunday Confessional.
(I also thought I could add cute photos from the week, that don’t really go anywhere!)
I’m gonna give it a shot. Here’s the truth guys… I’m not sure it will stick. I’m so scattered. Mellow Man is always telling me that I need to be consistent– although I’m not sure that he’s talking about blogging but parenting. Regardless, the same point holds. Consistency and stick-to-it-ness isn’t really my forte.
I’m the person who’s starts out on January 1st with 14 new resolutions, which always include being more organized, procrastinating less, and planning ahead. By January 4th, I’ve given up (or forgotten about) all but 2 of the resolutions, and by February 1st, I’m lucky if I’m still focused on one.
By the way, exercise is never one of my resolutions. Not that it shouldn’t be on my list. (I don’t exercise.) Rather, I’m enough of a realist to know that in no world would that become something I will ever follow through with.
Although the local gym offers childcare and unlimited gym classes for $45 a month. The idea of getting 2 hours of me-time without the kiddos, is almost enough to make me join. Seriously, you can’t find a babysitter for that price.
Not only is consistency a huge struggle for me, but I’m also a procrastinator. In my childhood and adolescence this worked really well for me. I’m a person who can produce great things under pressure. Really, amazing things. I’m awesome like that.
I had kiddos. Three to be exact, and what I’ve learned is that procrastination, when you are juggling all of the aspects of life that carrying for three other humans, leads to disasters.
The stress and chaos that produced amazing things under pressure when it was just me has caused me at times to fall flat on my face as a mother.
It’s embarrassing. And it doesn’t work.
And the truth is that while I can produce amazing things under the pressure of a deadline, I also hide behind procrastination.
Here’s my biggest confession…
I can do amazing things under pressure, but they are never perfect. However, I can always use the lack of time and my procrastination as the excuse for the reason that things aren’t perfect. My biggest fear is that I will not procrastinate and the end result won’t be perfect and I’ll fail. If that happens, then what’s my excuse for the mediocre end result?
(I know that is totally irrational, and illogical, and nothing is ever perfect, but that’s my confession for this week.)
Do you have any ridiculous beliefs like that?