My word for the year was previously defined as pause, but I think I should also include the word balance.  I’m still trying to figure out this “being at home” thing.  Granted, I’m working part-time, and I have been insanely busy with deadlines and publications for work– I switched over to PT at a crunch period.    Getting through all of these deadlines is causing me a wee bit of stress, but I’m enjoying everything that I’m doing– it’s cerebral and what I went to school to be able to do.  I’ve got a couple of publications that just make me smile thinking about them.  All that is on one side of my tetter-totter…

Then on the other side is the mommy/wife thing, and right now, it’s where I feel like I’m struggling the most.  See I’ve got this little guy who is extremely wonderful, but pretty clingy:

Monkey Balance

And the thing is, he needs me almost all of the time.  He loves his Daddy and his Brother, but Monkey’s love for me is so all-consuming.  I haven’t ever experienced anything like it before.  Frog started child care at 10-weeks-old and thrived there, so he had lots of caregivers.  Plus, Frog was a baby who loved to move and to do things, whereas Monkey loves people.  He’s so social and focused on interacting with everyone.  Being so social, he’s primarily interested in songs, and conversations with me. It takes nothing but a quick off-key song to get a chuckle and big, toothless grin from Monkey, which is so rewarding.  Unfortunately, being so social also means that he wants to talk and sing and be held all the time.  I came home today after leaving Monkey with his dad for a couple of hours, and when he saw me, the gave me the saddest wail before reaching for me.

I didn’t realize how all consuming the life of a SAHM with an infant can be.  I was thrilled that for the first time in my life, I could focus on putting my home, my family, my boys first.  And I’m not sure how well I’m doing that.  Each day, it feels like I’m trying desperately to make through my daily to-do list.  I want to ensure taht there is a yummy, hot dinner for everyone; Frog is shuttled to all of his activities; Monkey is getting the necessary cognitive stimulation; the laundry is done; and the house is clean.  And let’s just say that’s not happening.  I don’t know how other mothers do it, and make it all work.  I can’t seem to get it right, to find the right balance of my teeter-totter.  I’d love to hear how others do it well!